Continued from Broken Callar Bone, Part I
Race Day
It was 4:30 AM. Time to wake up and prepare for the race. It was still dark out, the AC was pumping and my internal alarm clock was sounding. Like any race morning I never need an alarm clock. I laid awake as I began to mentally prepare myself for the day. Racing through my head were loud thoughts of fear, doubt and uncertainty. Because of a previous injury, where I had broken my collar bone, I was worried that I may not be fully healed or strong enough to get through the race. I was trying to quiet my mind and remain calm despite my stressful state.
The injury happened just as I began to feel a shift in my strength and stamina during training. Unfortunately this was a huge set back for me. The doctor warned me that I would definitely be taking a risk by doing this race and that I may not be strong enough to control the bike a high speeds. I had an ongoing dialogue in my head for days. Was I crazy for doing this? What was I trying to prove? I have done this race so many times, no big deal if I missed this one, right?. The negative voices were heightened in my head. I no longer could listen to them, and I exhausted myself by arguing with them, but still I couldn't manage a way to quiet them.
I checked my race bag, grabbed a quick bite and thought about all of the things my coach had told me to do in preparation for the race. I needed to keep busy in order to quiet the doubt racing through my head. It was still dark when I went outside to find a cab. Lucky for me, a couple was stepping out of one after what looked like an intoxicating night of partying. Perfect! Just in time for me to hop in.
When I got to the race site it was getting lighter and a little warmer; the place was starting to buzz with athletes, staff, family, friends and supporters. While many seemed to travel in groups, I was alone heading to the race site. I couldn't help but wonder if I was with someone, rather than alone, if they would be supportive of me participating in the race considering my injury. I also wondered about if I were to be discouraged by a loved one if that would motivate me to push through this. Honestly, I'm not sure how my mind frame would be if I I were to have had company. So it was probably better that I was alone. Also I think it would be unfair to place my stress and anxiety on someone who was simply looking out for my best interest.
I started to see a few familiar faces saying hi and began to take notice of the different moods and energies being transmitted from the other athletes and supporters. Some were excited, others seemed nervous and/or worried. One person in particular caught my attention. A young guy, maybe in his twenties, looked extremely worried. He was sitting by himself looking very despondent, most likely contemplating the day. I could tell immediately this was his first race. I felt inspired to walk over to him and give him a pep talk. But with my own issues and worries to focus on, I kept walking.
As I was on my way to the swim start, the feelings from earlier in the morning began to magnify in my head. I was feeling sorry for myself and the voices were getting louder; screaming "WHAT THE F are you doing?". As I was getting closer to the swim start there was a lady who caught my attention. She didn't have left arm. At that point the voices stopped yelling and my heart sank in shame. She was in good spirits and her smile could light up a room. Then I noticed a man with a missing leg, and another with both legs missing. There was another athlete who was blind as well. As my observations gained power over my silly internal battles of the morning, I became more and more ashamed of myself.
My mind began to quiet. I was overwhelmed with appreciation and admiration for these disabled athletes. Many of them were excited and motivated to be here. That energy started to infect me; their positive vibes became my own. I am clearly not disabled; I just have a boo boo compared to many of this athletes. I am almost positive that when they lost their limb(s) they went through more trauma, despair and suffering then I did. I was worried about a race, they had everyday life to deal with. They are here celebrating their life's victories and over coming major challenges.
I was inspired and had no more fear. In a few minutes my mind was focused and reset from negative to positive.
We jumped into the Hudson River at 97th Street. The current, which normally helps you to a fast swim, was dying down so it will be a rough 1 mile swim." No sweat" I thought to myself. The horn was about to blow. Just as the race was about to begin a fellow competitor wished me luck and I wished him the same. A warm feeling came over me from his kind words and then we were off. I had to adjust my strategy to compensate for shoulder weakness, something I never really had to think about before, but it worked. I did my best to modify my technique in order to manage the pain. Once I was able to pass threw a certain pain barrier I started to feel better and swim faster. Every time a negative thought passed through my mind I would picture the woman with no arm who is doing this race with me.
Baby Jelly fish were gathering in the water, they started to sting my face and any other part of my body not protected by my wet suite. I have been stung by much bigger jellyfish in other races; so this was nothing. As we got close to the finish, we noticed an EMT and gurney at to swim exit. The race officials held us back so they could pull someone out of the water. Later we found out that an athlete had died (see NYTimes article Man Dies in New York City Triathlon) in the swim. Much later doctors determined that death is common among individuals, especially athletes, with high levels of panic and anxiety.
In the moment of the race I have to admit I was angry that they stopped us from getting to our bikes. We didn't know at that point that someone had died. They eventually lets us go. I ran to my bike at near sprinting speed. My land legs came back quickly because I did what my coaches told me to do. I started kicking more at the end of the swim to get blood flow and better circulation in my lower body. Using this bit of advice I was fast out of the water.
My swim time was much slower than in the past, much like when I first started. I reminded myself as the feeling of disappointment swelled that I must take my injury into account here and not be so hard on myself. What ever time I lost on swim I wanted to make it up on the bike. The urgency was very high. Due to the pain in my shoulder, my balance and bike handling skill were slightly off. I told myself it was okay and that my good arm will have to do a little more work. I got onto the West Side HWY and I was yelling "left", letting the other riders know I was passing them. I didn't want to seem rude if this was someone's first race and they didn't know that yelling "left" was normal practice and actually considered a courtesy. So as they moved left, I politely said thank you as I passed. One thing very important to me is good sportsmanship and respecting others.
I felt great on the bike despite my doubts about my over all fitness coming into this race. On the hills I didn't feel great, the pain came and went but I kept calm and adjusted both my expectation and effort for the hills. Once we got into the Bronx there was a huge down hill deal. Mentally this was an issue for me. I broke my collar bone on hill! Here is the horse I have to get back on. I was truly afraid at this point and the doctors voice was back in my head. The down hill was coming fast and I had no choice but to deal. I relaxed and squeezed on my brakes not enough to stop, but enough to slow my descent. I made it! I was relieved and alive! Soon I was on my way back to 72nd street in Manhattan. There was another down hill ahead which was much steeper. I started down the hill cautiously and told my self " Andrew, if you are going to go, at least you die doing what you love". I let off the brake this time and RACED down hill with no fear. I was back on the horse!
The day was very hot and from experience I already knew that the heat plus the wind off the river will dehydrate the body and cause cramps. So I started to drink water and take gels with sodium to prevent cramping. Soon we were nearing the T2 (transition to the run), T1(transition to the bike from swim). T2 was coming so I had to get in running mode. The voices of my coaches were telling me to spin out my legs and ride standing to start, waking up those run muscles.
Getting off my bike and racking, again I had to rely mainly on my good arm. I didn't want anyone to notice I was favoring one arm over the other. I didn't want to show any weakness. I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I racked my bike, got my running shoes on and did a quick inventory of my status. I felt like crap. I just wasn't in the right shape to be competitive. The heat was draining and I was thinking I could run this 6 mile hilly Central Park loop like I have done in the past. It just wasn't in the cards so I had to adjust my goals and expectations of the day. I noticed the guy who wished me luck was starting the run the same time I was. He looked very fit and strong so I knew I wasn't doing so bad at this point. We acknowledged each other and made a comment about how hot it was. He looked like a strong runner so he motored ahead of me. My goal at this point was to keep running without stopping no matter how slow I have to run; even if it meant running at an IRONMAN marathon pace. This means a very slow pace.
I kept my strides short,quick and really slow. I focused on rhythmic ticking. The hot miles started to tick away as in my head I repeated tick, tick, tick, tick, at the pace I could run. A mile and 1/2 from the finish I saw the guy I started with. I noticed he stopped running so I picked up my pace to catch up with him. I then stopped and told him to get moving. He tried, but he was done. At that point I gave him a relaxation exercise to reset his running. It's a technique to relax the shoulders and breathing to reset to body. I used a very calm voice to get him to mentally relax. He was able to start running again. He also asked me if I were a trainer or coach. I answered no very briefly and he quickly took off. I didn't have it in me to keep up with him but I was happy he was feeling better.
The mile and 1/2 ticked away. As I was getting close to the finish line I saw him again and he was fading. I picked up the pace and told him again to do the same. I touched his lower back as to push him, he responded and together we started to sprint to the finish. We finished!
We hugged exchanged names and a warm hand shake, he went off to be with his family. I picked up my bag, grabbed my phone and saw that my sister had called. She was crying because she knew the race was happening but didn't know I was racing. I called her back and told her that I completed the race and she cried more because she missed it. She seemed proud which made me feel great and glad I pushed through the day. At this point I thought back to the feeling of loneliness from the morning, maybe it would have been nice to share this accomplishment with someone. Just then I ran into race friends and coaches. I wasn't alone anymore. I made new friends from CAF (Challenged Athletes Foundation), and a new race buddy.
Race Day
The injury happened just as I began to feel a shift in my strength and stamina during training. Unfortunately this was a huge set back for me. The doctor warned me that I would definitely be taking a risk by doing this race and that I may not be strong enough to control the bike a high speeds. I had an ongoing dialogue in my head for days. Was I crazy for doing this? What was I trying to prove? I have done this race so many times, no big deal if I missed this one, right?. The negative voices were heightened in my head. I no longer could listen to them, and I exhausted myself by arguing with them, but still I couldn't manage a way to quiet them.
I checked my race bag, grabbed a quick bite and thought about all of the things my coach had told me to do in preparation for the race. I needed to keep busy in order to quiet the doubt racing through my head. It was still dark when I went outside to find a cab. Lucky for me, a couple was stepping out of one after what looked like an intoxicating night of partying. Perfect! Just in time for me to hop in.
When I got to the race site it was getting lighter and a little warmer; the place was starting to buzz with athletes, staff, family, friends and supporters. While many seemed to travel in groups, I was alone heading to the race site. I couldn't help but wonder if I was with someone, rather than alone, if they would be supportive of me participating in the race considering my injury. I also wondered about if I were to be discouraged by a loved one if that would motivate me to push through this. Honestly, I'm not sure how my mind frame would be if I I were to have had company. So it was probably better that I was alone. Also I think it would be unfair to place my stress and anxiety on someone who was simply looking out for my best interest.
I started to see a few familiar faces saying hi and began to take notice of the different moods and energies being transmitted from the other athletes and supporters. Some were excited, others seemed nervous and/or worried. One person in particular caught my attention. A young guy, maybe in his twenties, looked extremely worried. He was sitting by himself looking very despondent, most likely contemplating the day. I could tell immediately this was his first race. I felt inspired to walk over to him and give him a pep talk. But with my own issues and worries to focus on, I kept walking.
As I was on my way to the swim start, the feelings from earlier in the morning began to magnify in my head. I was feeling sorry for myself and the voices were getting louder; screaming "WHAT THE F are you doing?". As I was getting closer to the swim start there was a lady who caught my attention. She didn't have left arm. At that point the voices stopped yelling and my heart sank in shame. She was in good spirits and her smile could light up a room. Then I noticed a man with a missing leg, and another with both legs missing. There was another athlete who was blind as well. As my observations gained power over my silly internal battles of the morning, I became more and more ashamed of myself.
My mind began to quiet. I was overwhelmed with appreciation and admiration for these disabled athletes. Many of them were excited and motivated to be here. That energy started to infect me; their positive vibes became my own. I am clearly not disabled; I just have a boo boo compared to many of this athletes. I am almost positive that when they lost their limb(s) they went through more trauma, despair and suffering then I did. I was worried about a race, they had everyday life to deal with. They are here celebrating their life's victories and over coming major challenges.I was inspired and had no more fear. In a few minutes my mind was focused and reset from negative to positive.
We jumped into the Hudson River at 97th Street. The current, which normally helps you to a fast swim, was dying down so it will be a rough 1 mile swim." No sweat" I thought to myself. The horn was about to blow. Just as the race was about to begin a fellow competitor wished me luck and I wished him the same. A warm feeling came over me from his kind words and then we were off. I had to adjust my strategy to compensate for shoulder weakness, something I never really had to think about before, but it worked. I did my best to modify my technique in order to manage the pain. Once I was able to pass threw a certain pain barrier I started to feel better and swim faster. Every time a negative thought passed through my mind I would picture the woman with no arm who is doing this race with me.
Baby Jelly fish were gathering in the water, they started to sting my face and any other part of my body not protected by my wet suite. I have been stung by much bigger jellyfish in other races; so this was nothing. As we got close to the finish, we noticed an EMT and gurney at to swim exit. The race officials held us back so they could pull someone out of the water. Later we found out that an athlete had died (see NYTimes article Man Dies in New York City Triathlon) in the swim. Much later doctors determined that death is common among individuals, especially athletes, with high levels of panic and anxiety.
In the moment of the race I have to admit I was angry that they stopped us from getting to our bikes. We didn't know at that point that someone had died. They eventually lets us go. I ran to my bike at near sprinting speed. My land legs came back quickly because I did what my coaches told me to do. I started kicking more at the end of the swim to get blood flow and better circulation in my lower body. Using this bit of advice I was fast out of the water.
My swim time was much slower than in the past, much like when I first started. I reminded myself as the feeling of disappointment swelled that I must take my injury into account here and not be so hard on myself. What ever time I lost on swim I wanted to make it up on the bike. The urgency was very high. Due to the pain in my shoulder, my balance and bike handling skill were slightly off. I told myself it was okay and that my good arm will have to do a little more work. I got onto the West Side HWY and I was yelling "left", letting the other riders know I was passing them. I didn't want to seem rude if this was someone's first race and they didn't know that yelling "left" was normal practice and actually considered a courtesy. So as they moved left, I politely said thank you as I passed. One thing very important to me is good sportsmanship and respecting others.
 |
| The Bike the day before the race with rented wheels |
The day was very hot and from experience I already knew that the heat plus the wind off the river will dehydrate the body and cause cramps. So I started to drink water and take gels with sodium to prevent cramping. Soon we were nearing the T2 (transition to the run), T1(transition to the bike from swim). T2 was coming so I had to get in running mode. The voices of my coaches were telling me to spin out my legs and ride standing to start, waking up those run muscles.
Getting off my bike and racking, again I had to rely mainly on my good arm. I didn't want anyone to notice I was favoring one arm over the other. I didn't want to show any weakness. I don't know why I thought that, but I did. I racked my bike, got my running shoes on and did a quick inventory of my status. I felt like crap. I just wasn't in the right shape to be competitive. The heat was draining and I was thinking I could run this 6 mile hilly Central Park loop like I have done in the past. It just wasn't in the cards so I had to adjust my goals and expectations of the day. I noticed the guy who wished me luck was starting the run the same time I was. He looked very fit and strong so I knew I wasn't doing so bad at this point. We acknowledged each other and made a comment about how hot it was. He looked like a strong runner so he motored ahead of me. My goal at this point was to keep running without stopping no matter how slow I have to run; even if it meant running at an IRONMAN marathon pace. This means a very slow pace.
I kept my strides short,quick and really slow. I focused on rhythmic ticking. The hot miles started to tick away as in my head I repeated tick, tick, tick, tick, at the pace I could run. A mile and 1/2 from the finish I saw the guy I started with. I noticed he stopped running so I picked up my pace to catch up with him. I then stopped and told him to get moving. He tried, but he was done. At that point I gave him a relaxation exercise to reset his running. It's a technique to relax the shoulders and breathing to reset to body. I used a very calm voice to get him to mentally relax. He was able to start running again. He also asked me if I were a trainer or coach. I answered no very briefly and he quickly took off. I didn't have it in me to keep up with him but I was happy he was feeling better.
The mile and 1/2 ticked away. As I was getting close to the finish line I saw him again and he was fading. I picked up the pace and told him again to do the same. I touched his lower back as to push him, he responded and together we started to sprint to the finish. We finished!
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